On Raising Children
what to do, and what not to do and why.
1) Never give a child every thing is he/she wants, especially the moment they want it.
A) You have a world-shaking responsibility to provide an ethical framework, a moral ambiance, and a practical environment that provides for exploration, self-education, and self-development for your child.
When you give a child everything he/she wants the moment they want it there are important lessons they fail to learn, among them are; patients, gratitude, and respect. And without the ability to delay gratification, they will always be impatient and never be successful at anything as it can't happen fast enough for them. They will always be demanding, disrespectful, ungrateful, wasteful and in general a bully who throws temper tantrums to get what he / she wants immediately.
This means he / she will also never mature into an emotionally or academically stable adult. He / she will always be an "entitled child" regardless of his / her age making life around him / her miserable for everyone.
B) Because "everyone else" has one or is doing something is not a good reason to have or do something. In fact it is usually a good reason not to. Because people really are herd animals and they really do behave like "sheep" when they don't stop and think about what it is they are doing and why they are doing it.
C) Don't be afraid to say "no", but don't let that be the ONLY word they ever hear, because when it is, and you ask them to do something, the answer you will get is "no".
2) Follow the Golden Rule / Law of Prophets.
A) Don't yell at your children they won't like it any more than you liked it. It doesn't matter if it was done to you. Two wrongs don't make a right.
B) Don't lie to your child, always be honest with them. If you they can't trust you now, they won't trust you later.
C) "Don't cry over spilled milk." Children are imperfect, that is okay, they have to learn sometime, the only way to learn anything is via trial and error. So don't get your pannies in a wad when they make mistakes, you are not perfect either, so don't expect it from them. Teach them how to correct the error once they have made, and then allow them to do so, and move on. Life is too short to carry grudges.
D) You don't like being called insulting names, don't call them insulting names either. It's easier to build up a child than to fix one you broke.
3) Do not make a child responsible for how you choose to feel.
A) They can't "make you crazy" or "drive you nuts", usually when such events happen it is because you are not doing your job as a parent and paying attention to your child as you should be. If you are going to have them, then pay to them the attention they deserve. They are worthy of your love and attention. In return they will 'feed' you the love, attention and admiration you are also hungry for. There is no greater honor than to have someone want to be "just like you" or to be "with you" because they admire you so much.
B) Children by nature are curious about the world. They are capable of an astounding amount of early learning when given the freedom to explore to their heart’s desires.
4) Never make "stupid rules".
A) Nothing gets on my nerves faster than "because I said so."
My reply is usually , "Ya and who died and made you God?" Because someone said so, it not a good or valid reason to do or not do something.
B) Walk your talk, if you can't do something, don't expect others to do it. If you want them to do something, then you had best be willing to do it too.
C) If you want a child to follow your rules then make rules that have good sound reasons behind them.
1) We don't play in the road because we can get hit by a car and hurt or killed.
2) We don't touch hot things because we don't want burnt.
3) We don't do drugs (natural or pharmaceutical), alcohol, fluoride, chloride or smoke because we always want to have our hands free and our mind clear so that we can use it to think things through before we do something. It's always good to have fast reflexes.
D) Pick your fights, not everything is worth fighting over. When they mess up, allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions so they will then understand why you said "no". Next time they will be more likely to listen.
Long ago, there was a young lady come spent a week with my family. Her family had all sorts of "because I told you so" rules. I did not. My children were allowed to do pretty much anything they wanted to, because I taught them how to do everything I and my spouse did and knew how to do, and we exposed them to things that other people did. So even when they were young they knew how to do things and right from wrong.
So this young lady comes over a real rebel! Away from her parents she was going to do what ever she wanted to do. Some times after the fact she would tattle trying to see if she could get my children into trouble.
As an example one day she told me,"We went and got your daughter's ears pearist!"
She was always shocked and surprised that it was okay by me. It was her body, and she was mature enough to make that decision for herself. (I don't go by age, I go by maturity.) I trusted my children to know what they should do and how to do it and what they should not do so I didn't micro manage them.
There were times when my children would tell her, "No, don't do that, because this bad thing will happen, let's do this instead."
When she went home, she told her parents that all sorts of "no-no" things in their house were just sitting out in the open in my house, and all of my children could but of their own choice didn't touch it. As an example I have a bottle of whisky & wine, both are used in a cookie recipe that I make once a year. It sits on the shelf out in the open and it may take me 10 years to go though it. No one drinks it. I didn't have to hid it, I didn't have to lock it up. They knew what it was for, and every year since they were babies, they helped me make the cookies. The praises they got from making the cookies were enough to keep them from drinking it.
It's not what you do for your children , but what you teach them to do for themselves.
Neither cater to nor impose upon your children.
5) .
A)
B)